Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
