I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
my liver is dry heaving
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
