She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
