Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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