I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
