haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
