k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
