just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
