Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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