I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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