she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
