What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
