i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
