I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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