i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
