Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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