Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
