the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
