im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
