No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
