When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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