i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
