Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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