You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He's on the porch naked. Help.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize