captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
