My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
