Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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