I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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