I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
