I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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