i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
