So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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