At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
