The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I smell like Dick and happiness
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