lets start a swedish sibling band together
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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