Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize