I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Randomize
