I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
