If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize