I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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