I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
