we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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