It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
