Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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