So drunk its hurt
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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