You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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