It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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