you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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