also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
