why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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