I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
