after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
