my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
