Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
