I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
