THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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