he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize