You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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