And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
