I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
