My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
