? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize