your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
