The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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