DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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