you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
