I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
